Like My Own
by Nightwitch87
Summary: A story about the relationship between Meg and Claire, a topic often neglected. Narrated in snapshots, with time gaps between the individual chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: We all know how Alex loved Claire, or how Tess suffered from being separated from her sister at such a young age. But there is one person, who is often overlooked, although she held things together throughout the years… This is a story about the relationship between Meg and Claire, narrated in snapshots.

Age Rating: PG

Disclaimer: All characters of "McLeod's Daughters" belong to Nine Network, Millenium Television, and Channel Nine. I do not own anything, except for the specific storyline, and even that draws on the show. This fanfiction was merely written for fun, all of the characters and events portrayed are fictitious.

**Like My Own**

In spite of her young age, there were many things that Meg Fountain had learned in life. She knew how to cook, how to prepare a meal that even the pickiest guest would praise. She could shear as many sheep as most of the men on the farm, and by now, she also knew her way around by horse rather well on the endless acres of the unfamiliar land she had learned to love. She knew how to treat colds with self-made vitamin cocktail, how to set a dislocated shoulder. She could walk a sick horse all night and take care that it didn't lie down. She was able to put even the most hyperactive of children to sleep with a few tricks.

But there was nothing in the world that she could do to fix this.

"Claire," the young woman spoke softly, putting her hand on the child's shoulder, "let's go back inside the house. It's time for dinner."

The brunette girl shook her head firmly, eyes still fixed on the road ahead. "I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat something." Meg felt a stabbing pain in her heart as she watched Claire shield her eyes against the sun to be able to see better, although there was nothing there to be observed.

Each and every evening, she would come out here, with the strong belief that her sister would return someday. Nothing that anyone said could change her mind, she _knew_ that Tess would come back. She had to, after all, even if it was only to get Annabel. And when she did, they would come up with a new plan, a better one that would allow Tess to stay here forever. Claire had sorted it all out in her head: They would simply run away and hide somewhere, maybe in the old shed, and then their parents would have to go look for them together. Perhaps that would make Ruth want to move back into the house.

"It's time, your father's really tired, he only just got back from Skinny Jim's. One of the cows was having problems calving, but the calf's alright now."

Her attempts at arousing Claire's interest failed miserably. Usually, the girl would have been excited about the new calf, wanting to see it, asking if it was male or female at least. She would have been, Meg thought bitterly, but things had changed.

In the past few weeks, Claire had increasingly withdrawn into herself, just like her father. She hardly talked, wandered off all the time without giving an explanation as to where she was going, and spent hours by the gate if nobody came to fetch her, which took quite an amount of persuasion. With each night, her disappointment increased, and yet the stubbornness with which Claire explained why she had to stand there did the same. She never cried.

Meg remembered her first few weeks on Drover's Run, when Claire had been so little and she herself had been hired officially as a gofer. The same air of eerie silence had hung over the house then, except during the nights, when the poor child would often wake up, crying for her mummy. Jack had been utterly overstrained by the situation, in his own grief and loneliness, so Meg had sat up with the little girl for more hours than she could have counted.

Yet this time, it was different. Claire was older now, she wouldn't be consoled by bedtime stories, and Jack had just lost a wife and a child for the second time. Meg tried to keep life going, but most of the time, she simply felt helpless. Helpless, and incredibly angry with the children's parents – especially Ruth. How could she simply have taken off like that with Tess, without even calling once afterwards or letting her daughter speak to her father or sister? And how could Jack just accept it like that, did he know what he was risking? Did those two have any idea what they were doing to the children?

"The table's set, we're only waiting for you."

"I'm waiting for Tess" Claire mumbled with a strange dispassion that bordered on apathy.

"I know" Meg sighed. "But tomorrow is another day." She placed one hand on the girl's upper back and led her towards the house gently.

Claire went with her willingly, but not without throwing one last glance back over her shoulder. "She's gonna come, Meg, you know."

Meg swallowed and held her tongue, as always, she couldn't get herself to crush the child's hopes, since it seemed to be the only thing she hung on to.

They arrived at the house and Claire's face lit up for a brief second when she found her father sitting in the kitchen. "Dad!" She put her arms around his neck from behind.

For a brief moment, a sad smile flashed across his features, and he looked soft and gentle once more. "Claire, you know you're not supposed to stay out late."

Claire shrugged and sat down on her chair, being smart enough not to explain what she had been doing. She had understood pretty fast that questions about her sister and stepmother would remain unanswered, that Tess' absence was something they didn't talk about.

"Oh well, I'd say it's about time we started eating" Meg suggested. "The meat loaf will be all dry by now."

She took the mashed potatoes from the cooker, got the meat loaf out of the oven, and placed both on the kitchen table. They hadn't eaten in the dining room in the past few weeks.

"Ah, Meg, that smells good" Jack remarked politely.

They sat down and started eating in silence. That is, the adults started eating, while Claire was just picking at her food wearily.

"Don't you like meat loaf anymore, honey?" Meg asked.

The girl shrugged indifferently.

"Well, you don't need to eat it if you're not hungry. What have you been doing today?"

"Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Riding" Claire replied monosyllabically. "Walking 'round."

Meg had already opened her mouth to ask another question, when Jack interrupted her. "I got a call from your teacher today."

His daughter kept poking at her food.

"Would you look at me when I'm talking to you?"

Meg threw him a disapproving glance, shaking her head in a barely noticeable motion. This aggressive tone wouldn't get him anywhere; she would only shut down more, although she did look up from her plate.

"She sounded pretty worried about your marks. And she also said that you refused to participate in a dictation, that you didn't write anything down at all. What was that all about?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Claire, school's the most important thing, I want you to remember that. It's got to come first, before riding, wandering about with the heeler and whatever else you're doing."

"I'll help you with your homework after dinner" Meg offered.

"You haven't done it yet?"

"There'll be more time when Tess gets back" Claire stated. It was the first complete sentence she had said during dinner.

Jack's expression turned into stone. After a short pause, he resumed eating, more quietly than before. The only sound was the clanking of the forks and knives against the plates. The silence was unbearable.

"I was thinking about making sweet potatoes and beans tomorrow. Would you like to help me, Claire? You can pierce them with a fork." She had always enjoyed doing that.

Meg only realized what she had stirred up when Claire looked back at her sadly, with her lips pressed firmly together. Not she…the girl_s_… "Tess likes to do that" she said quietly.

"Yes, she does." Meg tried to smile, but it was difficult. They hadn't heard from Tess since Ruth had taken off with her, and she was quite worried about how the little girl would cope with being ripped out of her environment, deprived of her father and sister all of a sudden.

"We have to make it when she comes back. Do they have sweet potatoes in the city?"

"Of course they do."

"I don't think Ruth knows how to make them, though-"

"Will you stop it!" Jack interrupted his daughter harshly. "Just…stop talking like that."

He buried his face in his hands for a moment, but when he looked up, he seemed more tired and weary of life than anything else. "Claire," he sighed heavily, "your sister and Ruth have left for good. They aren't gonna come back, at least not anytime soon. You need to accept that. Tess won't come back tonight, or tomorrow night, or the night after that."

"You're lying!" Claire shouted.

"I wish I was, but-"

"No, Dad!" She jumped up from her chair, almost knocking over her glass of water. All of a sudden, her disinterest had been replaced by a burning rage. "They are gonna come back, I know, because…because they have to! But you're not even trying to make them come back, 'cause you don't care, 'cause you only care about cows and horses and sheep! It's your fault they left, and now you don't want them to come back-"

"That's not true" he yelled, completely losing control over himself, "how dare you say such a thing? I never, _never_ sent anyone away, ya hear?!"

"You let them leave, just like that, though Tess didn't want to!" Tears had formed in her eyes now. "Tess didn't want to, and you made her leave!" She turned around and ran up the stairs to her room.

"Claire! Come back here!" Jack barked.

Meg stared at him in sheer horror. Everything had passed too fast for her to intervene, but it only took her a second to gather her senses, before she went after the girl.

That night was the first night she heard her cry…and the last night in which Claire went out to wait by the gate.


	2. Chapter 2

She drew a circle into the brown earth for the third time, after all, it had to be perfect. The stick barely dug into the dry surface, a lot of force had to be used to do it. Leaning back, she squinted and scrutinized it closely. It looked alright, which caused her to proceed by scratching vertical lines into the circle, all the way around. The most important thing was saved for the end: placing a neat eight at the centre.

For a moment, she just knelt there, looking at her picture thoughtfully. Then, she smiled wanly and blew across it. Grains of dust were hurled into every direction. "Happy birthday, Tessie."

"Claire McLeod!"

She got up from the ground quickly when she heard the reprimanding voice, trying to cleanse her knees of the brown stains, and turned around to face her new teacher.

"Why were you kneeling in the dirt like that?"

"I was…um…nothing."

The young woman shook her head, not knowing what to make of that student. She could never get through to the girl, it was as if she were always on guard and lost in dreams. "You should really change out of your uniform before running around outside."

"Yes, Ms. Graham" Claire answered obediently, swallowing down a sassy response.

The teacher looked her over with genuine concern. "Are you alright, dear?"

The girl nodded, putting on a fake smile. She was no one's "dear", and least of all that woman's. Time to leave before Ms. Graham would involve her in some boring conversation about a book she didn't want to read…

"Wait, Claire, I came out here to tell you that your visitor's here!"

She spun around with excitement. "Really?! Where are they?"

Ms. Graham smiled. "At the bus stop, near the front entrance. But it's not 'they', it's just-"

Claire didn't hear the last part, she had already run off to greet her father and Meg, racing through the garden, into the main hall and out the other side, oblivious to the strange looks she received. The fact that they were finally here was incredible. She had doubted that they would actually come this time, all promises to visit her at school had been delayed so far because they were too busy on Drover's, always too busy, but not this time. Up to that point, she hadn't allowed herself to look forward to their visit, simply because she didn't want to be disappointed, but all attempts to restrain her joy at the prospect of actually seeing her father had been thrown aside now.

"Claire!" Meg waved at her from a distance and hurried towards her, but the girl was quicker, flying into her arms.

Meg was touched, it wasn't like Claire to be so overjoyed and overt about her feelings. She hugged the girl, kissing the side of her head. "It's great to see you! We miss you terribly on Drover's!"

"Clai-aire!" a little girl squealed, and before Claire knew what was going on, her leg had been enveloped in a firm grip.

"Hey, Jodes!" She laughed, tousling the toddler's blond curls, before looking at Meg again. "Where's Dad?"

The young woman's expression grew serious; she was searching for the right words without letting go of Claire's shoulders. This split second of hesitation was enough for the girl to know it all. Her smile faded and was replaced by an expression of anger. "But he said he'd come!"

"I know, but there's an epidemic among this season's lambs. Several have died and we don't know what it is yet, so the vet-"

"Exactly, the vet! The vet's supposed to figure that out! Connor could've talked to the vet!"

"Claire, you know what a mess it can be, the lambs need to be isolated and…" Meg broke off the sentence and shrugged helplessly. It was obvious that the girl didn't care about the explanation, no matter how good it was. She was disappointed, her father had promised to visit her and had broken this promise once more. "Look, your dad's really sorry, he's been looking forward to this day for weeks. He really wanted to see you."

"If he'd wanted to, he would've come!" she yelled furiously, shrugging Meg's hands off her shoulders.

"It's not that simple, honey, I'm sorry, but-"

"Why didn't _you_ talk to the vet?"

Ouch. Claire sure knew how to lash back. Meg was battling her own anger at Jack, she was sick of being his advocate, of fixing things between him and the rest of the world. But, once more, she took his side. "I offered, but your father has to be there in case things get worse and decisions need to be made."

"No, he doesn't! It's just an excuse again!"

Jodi started crying, irritated by the fighting and Meg picked her up, rubbing her back. "Shh…it's alright, sweetheart."

"That's right, comfort poor, little, helpless Jodi," Claire spat out, tears of anger glistening in her eyes, "pet cute little Jodi's blond hair-"

"Claire!" Meg was shocked, she had never heard her talk like this before. There had been indications of jealousy, of course, but this…! She automatically drew her daughter a little closer in her arms in a protective gesture. Jodi was bawling even louder by now.

Claire turned around and ran away across the street without another word.

"I didn't- wait!" Meg hurried after her, since she didn't know where her room was, but she was too slow, carrying the little girl. The child suddenly seemed to weigh a ton. Surprisingly, she still didn't lose sight of Claire, though, because the girl wasn't heading for the dormitories, but sped past them, towards a garden of some sort.

Meg ran after her, but trying to catch up was futile. She only wished that her daughter would stop wailing at this volume, but Jodi was confused and inconsolable. This had not gone as planned. Meg cursed Jack inwardly for leaving the difficult parts up to her once more. It should have been a happy reunion, a day filled with exchanges about what had happened on Drover's Run, and stories about Claire's new school life.

However, she had a feeling that it wasn't going to be like this today, or on any other day, for that matter. Meg's worst suspicions had already been confirmed by the sadness in Claire's voice when she had talked to her on the phone, and her paleness, the way her blouse fluttered around her shoulders, only reinforced that. Not to mention the way the girl had clung to her in that first embrace…

Meg finally reached the tree, only to find that Claire had actually climbed it – in her skirt. She could see her crouching on one of the lower branches with one hand pressed firmly against the stem, trying to sit down slowly.

"Careful, Claire…don't slip! Come down, please" she panted, still rubbing Jodi's back with the other hand. "Shh…" The little girl's crying had died down to a quiet whimpering.

"No!"

"I can't talk…to you like this."

"I don't care!"

Meg noticed a group of older girls passing by, around the age of thirteen or fourteen, maybe. They were giggling and whispering, staring at the odd pair, particularly at the girl in the tree. She threw them an indignant glare, which caused them to move on slowly. Claire didn't need to be teased by them on top of it all.

"Don't be childish, you can't stay up there forever." No answer. Meg was at a loss, it was getting increasingly difficult to talk to the girl with each year, as if some invisible barrier had been erected. She sighed. "I'm sorry your father couldn't come, really. But I thought we could still go into town, maybe get some ice cream, and then you can tell me all about school…"

"I don't care that he didn't come. I didn't wanna see him anyway."

"Don't say that, you know it's not true."

"Then why did he send me away?" she asked furiously. "Just because there's Jodi now…why do I have to stay here, why can't I go home?"

"Claire, this has _nothing_ to do with Jodi or your dad not wanting you around anymore! If he didn't love you, why would he keep counting down the days till the winter break in his calendar? Why would he say 'I can't wait to see the look on Claire's face when she sees him', when he's buying a new horse? He talks about you all the time…Honey, the reason why he sent you here is that it's a good school, and he wants you to be able to take any job you want. But for that, you need to learn-"

"But I don't wanna learn all that, I want to breed horses! I can learn that at home!"

"If you still want that in a few years, you can do it! But there are some things everyone needs to learn first, that's what school's for."

"I hate school" Claire muttered.

Meg sighed. "I know."

A moment of silence passed between them, until the girl finally decided to give up her position in the tree; she lowered her body onto the branch so it supported her hips first, and swung her legs down, holding on to the wood only with her hands for a moment, before dropping onto the dry earth. She appeared much calmer already, although the hardened expression on her face wasn't exactly more desirable than the rage that had been there before.

"Look at you" Meg remarked with a half smile, "wearing fancy clothes, but all dusty. Well, you'll always be a country girl."

Claire responded with the same kind of half-hearted smile, but averted her gaze quickly. "Uh, well…I'm sorry…about…you know, what I said about you…and Jodi and all."

It was a very quiet, mumbled apology, but Meg accepted it nonetheless, as it was coming from Claire, who was, well – Claire. "Never mind. So how are you feeling about some ice cream?

"Ithe cream, ithe cream!" Jodi shouted cheerfully.

Claire grinned. "That would be okay, I guess."


	3. Chapter 3

„Bloody storm…" Claire mumbled to herself, trying to attach a wire to the bottom of a post. Why did these fences always have to break at the slightest bit of animal contact, or even wind? "Cos we're using cheap materials, that's why!" She shook her head, they definitely needed to get out of debt.

On top of it all, this was the boundary fence that separated Drover's Run from Killarney. Why did they have to fix it, anyway? It wasn't like Killarney lacked the money! On the other hand, she could see why her dad hadn't wanted to ask those rich idiots to do it. Especially Mr. Ryan, she hated that arrogant jerk, always showing off, always talking smoothly and not meaning it. She didn't get how her dad could honestly think of him as a friend. And his sons were just like him! Not Nick, maybe, he seemed okay. He was nice, kind of young for her, quiet and kept to himself, but he was a decent bloke. But Alex…! Definitely his father's son all the way, if not worse than him. He had been nice at first, when they had moved here, but in the past couple of years, he had become so cocky. It was getting on her nerves. Why couldn't things be like they used to be, all cool, without the whole showing off in front of girls thing? Why did guys have to turn into jerks once they reached a certain age?

Suddenly, Claire heard a whistle behind her. "Nice view!"

Oh no. She quickly got up, self-conscious about her bent position, and spun around. "Mac."

He merely stood there for a moment, grinning at her. Why him? She didn't get it. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? What was so hard to understand about a "no"? She knew she had to dress and act a certain way too keep the guys at a distance, especially with this lack of women around –she had learned that from watching Meg- and mostly, they gave up hitting on her after the first couple of weeks. Most of them actually respected her as a worker, a fact she was quite proud of, and kept at a distance, probably because she was the boss's daughter. Except for the occasional sexual joke, there had been no problems. But what was it with that stationhand? He was, like, thirty-something. This was kind of sad.

"Need a hand?" he offered.

"No, thanks. I'll manage."

"I didn't mean the fence" he remarked with a mischievous smirk.

"Cut it out, will ya?"

"Sorry. You know, you're quite pretty, Claire. At least you could be."

She ignored him and went back to her work, crouching down carefully so she wouldn't stick out her bum too much. The damn wire wouldn't stay in place. She could sense him coming closer from the moving shadow and the sound of his steps, but was surprised to find his hands on hers, directing the wire. She quickly withdrew them and got up, walking back to the Ute. Her dad let her drive it as long as she stayed on their land. She had never been on a proper road with it. There was the noise of an engine in the distance, but she didn't pay attention to it. What was she looking for? A thinner wire, right, A150 should be the right brand.

Within a few moments, Mac was standing right behind her. Way too close. Claire grabbed the wire quickly and turned around, only to find herself backed up against the cargo area of the Ute, with him right in front of her. Mac was smiling, in a way that she guessed was supposed to be seductive. His breath smelled of cigarettes, and his hand was on her waist, moving upward to her breast, his thigh trying to get in between hers. "No one would have to know-"

"No!" Claire tried to push him away, but failed, there was no escape from his grip. "Don't…" She was about to hit him with the heavy roll of wire, when there was another yell.

"Oy! Get your hands off o' her!"

The moment of bewilderment was enough for Claire to get her knee up. Mac let out a yelp and bent over, covering his crotch. "Bastard" she hissed, before moving away from him.

"Little _boyfriend_…coming…to the rescue?" Mac panted, cringing with pain.

Alex had jumped off his moped and over the fence, and was hurrying towards them with a furious expression. "I'm gonna push your teeth out the back of your head!"

The older man laughed sarcastically, as much as his physical condition allowed him to do so. "Don't hurt yourself, kiddo!"

"Alex, no!" Claire stopped Alex half way, stepping in between the two. "He's not worth-"

Alex pushed her aside rather roughly and, before anyone could say anything else, he had already punched Mac hard. In his surprise, the latter fell over from the blow, but recovered quickly, flinging himself onto "the kid". Alex was quite big for his age, but Claire knew that he wouldn't stand a chance against Mac. Why did he have to be so stupid, why couldn't he just leave it?

"Stop it! Both of you!" She wasn't going to stand there and watch this like some dumb princess. There was no point in getting herself involved in the fight, because it certainly wouldn't stop them, but there had to be something she could do. Usually, she just separated fighting blokes by turning on the hose. And where was a bucket of cold water when you needed it? "Stop!" She picked up a stick from the ground and tried to break them up with it. It wouldn't work straight away, but after a while, they got tired from the constant pain the sharp end of the stick inflicted on them and rolled apart, panting.

Mac was the first to recover his feet again, so he quickly stumbled over to his horse, holding his bleeding nose. She wasn't sure if he would be able to ride like this, but his muttered "bitch" finally erased any concern for him from her mind.

Alex got up as well, holding his side. "That bastard-"

"What was that all about?" Claire asked angrily.

He stared at her, first baffled, then irritated. "You're very welcome, Claire."

"Oh, thanks _a lot_ for making me look like some girl who can't stand up for herself!"

"But…you are a girl…"

"That's not my point, you idiot! You made me look weak…I could've dealt with him myself!"

"Oh yeah, I could see that! He was all over you!"

"Bollocks, I could have hit him with the wire thing any second. I just didn't wanna kill him!"

"Well, I'll be sure to note that next time I'm about to witness a rape!" Alex shouted with a mixture of rage and hurt reflected on his face. He turned around to leave, shaking his head.

"Don't be so bloody melodramatic! It wasn't a…it probably looked a lot worse than it was, all right? Just don't make a big deal out of it!"

He stopped at the fence with his back turned to her. She crossed her arms, waiting for him to say something.

"You okay?" he mumbled quickly.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good."

"Good."

There was an awkward silence between them. Claire was beginning to consider just carrying on with her work, but he was standing right next to the post she would have to work with, so she decided to wait until he would leave. Only he remained right where he was. She straightened her clothes and ran a hand through her hair, trying to straighten herself out as well. She hated to admit it, but she was feeling a bit shaky.

"Are you gonna tell your dad about this?"

"No! And don't mention a word to anyone!"

"But what if he tries again?"

"He won't."

"What if?"

"Then I'll deal with it. I can take care of myself."

Alex finally turned around. "But that bastard should be fired."

"He's a good worker. Dad likes him."

"Still-"

"Alex, promise you won't tell anyone."

"But-"

"Please? I'll take care of it."

"Fine" he muttered through clenched teeth.

Claire scrutinized him carefully, until she was satisfied that he'd keep his word. "Me and Dad don't talk a whole lot anymore, you know" she explained. "Since I told him I'd quit school and all."

"Yeah. Sucks."

"It does. Anyway, why are you here?"

"Uh, your cattle are on our land. And now I can see why."

"Shit."

"Dad offered to have Terry bring it back."

She frowned. Mr. Ryan's strange generosity made her suspicious. There had to be something to it, some twist, some way to get them back for it later on. Either that, or he was covering something up. "No. Tell him we'll get it ourselves."

"Whatever you say. See you later." He jumped over the fence again and mounted his moped. "Oh, and Claire…watch out. You're living on a farm with lots of horny blokes, and you're…I mean, you're not butt-ugly, you know."

"Will do."

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Meg was standing at the open window, making up some mash for a sick horse, while watching her daughter play outside, although it looked more like she was bothering the dog than playing. Jodi easily got herself into trouble if you didn't look out for her, which could get quite exhausting.

"All right, Monoco. Take me back to my castle!"

"No sitting on the dog, Jodi."

"I know, Mummy." The little girl looked up at her with her sweetest smile. "I was just pretending."

Meg sighed and went back to drubbing the mash, wiping her forehead with her elbow. Her daughter's absurd, pretended conversations with the noble "stallion" and, of course, her prince, made her smirk.

Suddenly, Jodi abandoned her spot, running across the yard. "Claire!"

Meg looked up from her work just in time to see the teenager walk past Jodi in determination, ignoring her. The child tried to keep up with her, chatting away all the while. "I baked cookies this morning! Wanna try some?"

"No. Geez, what did you do to Chap?" She changed her direction quickly, approaching the dog, and took the flower crown from its head, petting it. "Poor Chap…"

"Noo, give it back! He's my steed!"

Claire rolled her eyes in annoyance. "He's not a stallion, Jode, he's a dog. A working dog. Get used to it."

"He's Monoco now, cos I said so!" Jodi replied defiantly.

"Monoco is a country! Or a city, or something. Not a horse, anyway!"

"That's Monaco" Meg corrected her.

"Whatever." Claire was in a visibly bad mood.

"Can I go out and feed the horses with you later?" Jodi asked her hopefully. "I can help!"

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Cos I said so."

"But you can't just say that" she whined. "I can help, I helped last week, and I can ride now, too. Mummy, tell her-"

"Just shut up, all right?" Claire interrupted her sharply, before trudging away angrily.

The little girl's lower lip began quivering, her eyes quickly filling with tears, and Meg could just see another paddy coming. "Jodi, why don't you and I decorate the cookies later?"

"But I wanna go feed the horses!"

"It's Claire's job, honey, and if she wants to do it by herself today, you need to respect that. But that means that she won't get to put granules on the cookies."

Jodi was satisfied with that, and the tears that had threatened to fall dried quickly. "Okay. But I won't talk to Claire later."

Meg smiled. That meant that they might actually get a peaceful evening without arguments between the two. Thank God. Jodi had a sweet admiration for the older girl, but fifteen-year olds tended to prefer being left alone. Claire could be quite brash when the little girl got on her nerves.

She closed the window when she heard her enter the kitchen. "Claire, that wasn't ne-"

"I know, _poor_ little Jodi."

Meg shook her head in disapproval at the cynical tone. "So are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Claire walked over to the sink, poured herself a glass of water and drank it in big gulps. "Some of the cattle broke through. They're on Killarney. Need to get them back."

"Is that all?"

"What do you mean? That's an afternoon's work, which means I won't have time to work with Zoey."

"Andy will be free soon, as far as I know. Just ask him and Mac to go."

Something in Claire had tensed up at the suggestion. Meg couldn't quite place it, but she could see that something was wrong. This wasn't just about the cattle, or the pressure from the upcoming challenge.

"No, it's fine, I'll do it and ask Andy to come with me."

So it was Mac. She had suspected something right away when she had seen him return so early and with a bleeding nose. Maybe he hadn't gone to help her after all, but left all the work to her. "Did you get on with the fence?"

Claire looked back at her with a confused expression. She should have thought of a better way of probing her, this was lame. "Of course. Meg, I've been fixing fences since I was eight."

"Nine or ten is more like it. But what I meant was, did Mac show up to help you?"

"Yep."

"Did you notice something…strange about him?"

The girl frowned, a hint of worry flickering across her face. "Uh, no. Why?"

"His nose was bleeding when he got back."

Claire shrugged. "Must have gotten into a fight with one of the others or something. Men."

"So he didn't have that when he came out to help you?" It didn't make any sense. Then he couldn't have spent much time out there.

"Nope. Meg, what are you on about?"

"Just wondering…is there something you're not telling me?"

"Did Alex say something?" Claire asked alertly.

"Alex? What's Alex got to do with anything?"

"Nothing. I should get on with the troughs. See you later."

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"Alex!" As soon as Meg had spotted the boy, she approached him with determination. He was half hidden from view by the hood of the car, which had been opened for some sort of inspection or reparation. "Good thing someone's here. Oh, hi Nick." She had only just noticed the younger Ryan brother leaning over the engine on the other side. "What happened to our cattle?"

"Dad's out to talk to a buyer, Mum's helping a friend prepare her wedding" Nick explained. "But what's wrong with your cattle?"

"It's gone."

"What- oh, that" Alex replied with a dismissive wave. "Terry took care of it. Should be on its way back."

"Terry? But didn't Claire tell you that we would get it ourselves?"

He shrugged. "Dad figured it would be easier if we just did that for you. Since you're busy preparing the auction and all."

"But that's not the point, is it?" Meg answered tensely. Harry's frequent attempts to be in control, his competitions with Jack were getting on her nerves. "Well, tell your father thank you, but that wasn't necessary. We could have gotten it ourselves."

"Sure, but what's the big deal? It saved time, didn't it?"

Alex seemed baffled. Meg knew that it was pointless to argue with him, he wouldn't understand the different layers of this. He probably wouldn't even get that there was more than one layer. But now that he was actually looking at her, she noticed a large, dark bruise on his swollen cheek, and was instantly reminded of Mac's bleeding nose and Claire's mentioning of Alex' name. "What happened to your face?"

"Birth" Nick answered with a grin, which earned him a smack from his brother.

"Nothing. Just fell off a horse."

"A horse. Sure." She shook her head. "You should put some ice on it."

"Pretty tricky, those working horses, aren't they?" Nick jeered.

"…said the guy who pees his pants at the thought of trying to break in a horse."

"Hey, come on, boys…" She stepped between them before their teasing could turn into a serious fight. "Nick, your father said we could borrow your water pump this afternoon, since ours is broken. Would you mind getting it for me?"

Nick clearly wasn't too happy about being the one who was asked to do things. "No problem." He turned around and left, but not without throwing his brother one last glare.

"Anything else?" Alex asked in a manner that Meg thought to be rather disrespectful for a fifteen-year-old.

She hesitated for a moment, choosing her words wisely. "You didn't happen to pass by Drover's this morning, did you?"

" 'Course not. Why?"

"…or the boundary fence…"

"N- well, yeah, obviously, when I met Claire and noticed it was broken."

Meg looked at him enquiringly for a moment, but when no further explanation came, she decided to drop the façade. She was getting sick of these games. "All right, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Stop it. I noticed what Claire was like when she got back from fixing that fence, I saw Mac's face, your face…I'm not stupid, Alex. Listen, if it's just some stupid little measuring-your-strength thing, then by all means, keep it to yourself. I don't care. But if it's something more serious, I need to know. You understand?"

"I would if there was something to be told!" he snapped defensively, with more emotion than would have been necessary if there were indeed nothing to be concerned about. "Sorry, but I need to get back to my work…" He turned his back towards her and looked back under the hood of the car.

She shook her head, trying to calm down. This wouldn't get them anywhere. "You know that I'm just worried about Claire, right? If it was unimportant, you could just say so."

For a while, he said nothing, pretending to be fixing something enormously important. He was probably hoping for her to just go away. Then, he looked up, biting his lip. "Look, it's just…I promised."

If her curiosity had been moderate at the beginning, it was high now. At this point, she was certain that something major had to have taken place. He seemed too torn for this to be about some silly teenage fight. But the more he said that he couldn't tell her, the more she wanted to know. "Sometimes, it's important to break promises, if it's for a greater good."

He shook his head. "I can't. But, you know, I'm just saying…in general…it sucks when, on farms, there's not many women around."

Meg frowned. Where did this come from? "Does it?"

"And then there's this narrow focus on those who are there. Except that sometimes, they don't like that, and it really goes too far. And I'm not just talking about flirting, you know, or just the usual hitting on them, but the really…awkward kind. When they really cross the line."

She took a deep breath. "They, being…"

"Just in general…" he muttered, but his stern expression told the truth.

This was exactly what she had supposed at first, but the thought had been pushed aside quickly. She hated to admit it to herself, but she had doubted her own gut feeling far too much and refused to believe what she had known intuitively. It just seemed so wrong. Then again, it wasn't implausible at all. "Thank you."

He nodded curtly. "Don't tell Claire."

She couldn't help smirking – Alex almost seemed scared of the girl.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Meg was weeding the vegetable patch, pondering over what exactly to tell Jack. She didn't have any evidence, so it was possible that he wouldn't believe her, on the other hand, what if something snapped inside his mind and he did something entirely stupid? She'd seen it happen before, and when it came to Claire, he didn't take things lightly.

There was only one thing she knew for sure: Mac needed to go, that guy only meant trouble. She'd had a bad feeling about him from the start, there was something in the way he talked, his constant smirking…as if he wasn't taking anything seriously. But so far, she had only seen him as a show-off, full of himself, but harmless otherwise.

Why had she never noticed that there was more to it? It seemed so obvious now, when she really thought about it. Claire had been avoiding him lately, although she hadn't shown any visible discomfort around him. Oh, sometimes she hated the country and its macho culture, the whole tough blokes, no feelings, 'let's talk about the strongest bulls'- thing. Come to think of it, the men around Gungellan were just like bulls, disrespectful, mindless, governed by sex…

And here he was. It seemed ironic that he should be passing by the house right that moment, acknowledging her presence with a curt nod. "Jack around?"

"No. He went to buy some stuff in Gungellan."

"Oh. When d'you reckon will he be back?"

"I don't know" she replied coldly, ripping some roots out of the earth without looking up. "Not for a while, he left about an hour ago."

Mac sighed with obvious annoyance. "I'll be back later, then."

"Hang on." She got back up from her crouching position, taking off her gloves. "I've got a question for you."

" 'bout what?"

"Mickey bull."

"The one I caught?" There was that arrogant smirk again.

"Yeah. I heard Jack talk to Claire about selling him."

"He'll make a decent stock bull. The breed's high in demand."

"Maybe. But he's aggressive, it took four men to catch him at all." She picked up her garden scissors and started cutting flowers for the dinner invitation, looking for the right ones. "He took that whole fence down, he'll be impossible to transport. And he won't be very popular as a stock bull if he keeps making a mess of the cows like this."

Mac shrugged, probably surprised by her interest. "Artificial insemination. Won't be our problem, anyway, once he's sold."

"Nobody will want a bull with a temper like this, and that's what matters. Not one, single person. Who cares about his breed or how many cows he's cracked onto if he's hell to maintain?" She gave him a sharp look, cutting a tulip with deliberate slowness. "I think we'd better get him castrated. Or worked into meat straight away. Should be done that way with all rogues."

In spite of his self-confidence, he seemed pretty bewildered by her comment, and his facial expression had grown more serious, almost angry. "Well, that's not your decision to make, is it?"

"Oh, we'll see." Meg smiled icily, with an air that she hoped got across as somewhat wistful. "I'll talk to Jack about it."

He uttered a dry laugh. "Will that be before, or after he got to let off some steam on you?"

She was dangerously close to shoving the scissors into his chest…or lower. "What would it matter to you? It'll be all the same for mickey bull."


	4. Chapter 4

„Hey."

Claire turned her head and smiled. "Hey."

She sat down next to her on the stairs of the veranda. The garden in front of them was shimmering in the silver moonlight, the sky illuminated with countless stars. Meg gestured at the bottle in the girl's hands. "I see you're wasting no time, making use of all your legal rights."

"Yeah, righto" Claire smirked, taking another sip of her beer. "Gee, I never knew beer would taste that good. I missed out on a lot in all these years."

"Hm, so what was in those bottles I've seen you with before? I faintly remember you having a nightly beer with the men."

"Lemonade, of course. Underage drinking, that's a pretty serious offence" she stated, trying hard to keep a straight face.

"I knew I should have called Constable Munroe."

"Ha, he would have been too busy catching all those hardcore criminals in Westside Gungellan."

She shook her head. "Just don't overdo it, okay?" There was a moment of comfortable silence. "So what were you doing out here? It's getting cold, and you shouldn't spend your birthday sitting outside all by yourself."

"Hm."

"How was your dinner at the hotel?"

"It was nice, but they didn't have any normal food, all the names sounded French. So Dad ordered something called pintade de whatever, because it wasn't way up there price-wise –though still expensive- and it was a tiny bird with hardly any meat, in a sweetish tasting sauce" she chuckled. "I think he should have complained. I was lucky, I got some fancy beef. I was scared it was gonna be snails or something."

"I'm glad you had a good time. I thought you might prefer a party, spending some time with your friends-"

"I'm not much of a party fan. No, this was fine."

Although Claire was smiling, something in her voice told a different story. Or maybe she was interpreting too much into it.

"Alex and Nick came over this morning, you know. To give me my pressies."

"Really? Why didn't you invite them to stay for lunch?"

"No time, I was busy working with Rocket."

"But Claire" she objected sternly, "Jack made you _promise_ not to do any work today. You were supposed to have a nice time."

"I did, but boredom isn't what I'd call 'a nice time'! And breaking in horses doesn't count as work like cleaning troughs or mucking out stables."

"You still could have spent more time with Nick and Alex" she sighed. "But anyway, what did you get?"

"A book about Walers from Nick, which is nice…and a riding crop from Alex." Claire rolled her eyes. "It was supposed to be a joke."

"Is it a good one?"

"Yeah, nice leather, just the right amount of flexibility…one of those fancy ones. Just a bit dodgy as a present" she explained with a smirk.

Meg smiled. "You know, I think it might be a genuine gift, presented as a joke."

The girl shifted uncomfortably. "Nah, it's a joke, all right. And he knows I won't use it. But it's more original than last year's six pack of booze."

"Not too good at picking out presents, Alex, is he?"

Claire chuckled. "Not really, although the beer was fine.You'd think Nick would have an influence on him. Anyway, they did have a piece of cake while they were here."

"More than a piece from the looks of it" she smirked. "And I thought Jack had nicked half of it."

"No, in this case, Dad's completely innocent…for the first time."

Meg thought about Jack, praising her food, making her compliments with a wink, smiling at her new clothes, Jack and his flattery. And she had fallen for him because of that, hadn't she? He was a good man, a "gotta love him" sort of fellow with no bad intentions. Still, he was the farm owner, and she was the one who scrubbed the toilet, and that was the only way it would ever be. The worst thing was that she knew it, she didn't have any illusions as to what he wanted, but there was always that irrational glimmer of hope that things might change. You just interpreted too much into certain gestures, she thought, and that was the way it started. But after all, his looks probably weren't an "I wish I could be with you, I hate hiding my feelings" as much as a "thanks for washing my dirty socks, hon, and by the way, you make me horny". Well, there was one thing to be said for it - it was uncomplicated.

"It's been a nice birthday, you know" Claire repeated quietly.

Meg looked over at her. She shouldn't have let her mind drift off like this. It didn't do any good.

The girl was looking straight ahead, to where the leaves were shimmering as if they had been painted with liquid silver. "It's just…"

"Your mum. And Tess."

She nodded and set the bottle down, crossing her arms.

"Claire…I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry they couldn't be here today. But I'm sure your mum would be very proud of you."

"You can't know that, you didn't know her any more than I did."

"No, I suppose I can't." Meg hesitated, a bit taken aback by the harsh reply. It was true, though, she only knew Prue from what little Jack had said about her. He hardly ever mentioned her, but she had seen him through his grief, and it was obvious that he had loved her very much.

"I know, however, that your father _is_ very proud of you." 'And so am I' she added mentally without verbalizing it. "Just this morning he was telling me that it's hard to believe how grown-up you are."

A subtle smile was tugging at Claire's lips. "I guess he respects my work."

"Oh, he does, but it's not just that."

She shrugged equanimously. "Good on him."

They sat in silence. A bit of wind came up, stirring the trees, the leaves rustling, bringing additional coolness to the night. It was getting cold, Meg noticed. They would have to move inside soon, although both of them were wearing a jacket. Somewhere in the distance, those annoying birds were crying again.

"Winter's coming" Meg commented.

"Yep. We'll have to fix the roof of the stable, cos we might have to use it soon."

"I'm going to Gungellan tomorrow, anyway. Might as well get some material."

"Good." Claire looked up at the sky contentedly.

Meg followed her gaze. "No clouds at all."

"Nope. You can see every single star."

"Uh-huh." She looked over at the girl with a sympathizing smile. "I'm sure Tess is thinking of you."

"Doesn't really matter, does it now?"

She was going to reply, when she heard footsteps behind her. She didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

"There you are! Watcha doing outside on your 18th? That's no way to celebrate!" Jack sat down next to his daughter on the stairs.

Claire shrugged with a grin. "Just having a beer."

"I can see that." He raised an eyebrow. "The fridge is empty, so I had to get myself a warm one. You want one, Meg?"

"No thanks, I'm good. I think I'll head off to bed, it's getting late and I left Jodi alone." They needed some time on their own. She got up from the step, brushing off her trousers. "Good night."

" 'Night, Meg!"

" 'Night!"

At the door, she threw one last glance back over her shoulder. The other two were still sitting on the stairs, talking. Jack nudged his daughter gently for something she had said, and Claire was laughing.

She'd be all right.


	5. Chapter 5

„What the hell are you doing in here?!" She couldn't believe her own eyes. Were these actually her mother's gold earrings Jodi was fumbling there – and now dropping with a jump? Not that she wore earrings, but how could that kid even dare to look at, let alone touch them?

"Jesus, Claire, do you always creep around like this?"

Now that Jodi was looking at her, she could see that the teenager was actually wearing her lipstick as well, the only lipstick she possessed. "Get out!"

"All right! No need to yell at me."

Claire didn't answer, but simply glared at her, still holding the door ajar. This time, Jodi had definitely gone too far. She couldn't just go through other people's belongings as she pleased! Not only had she gone into her room, which was a taboo zone to her in itself, but she had actually rummaged through all of her stuff, things that she liked to keep private. And how could she know that this was the first time?

Jodi grew a bit meeker when she noticed how serious Claire was about this, that she was actually fuming. She quickly picked the earrings up and put them back inside the small, wooden box, running the other hand through her hair nervously. "Look, I'm sorry. I was supposed to check for Mum if she left some boxes in this closet years ago, and I guess I just got curious."

"Curious? How about _asking_ before you open someone's closet to look for stuff there!"

"You were outside somewhere, who knows where, doing something with horses, or cattle, or sheep, how was I supposed to know where to find you? It's not like you keep big secrets in here, anyway."

"And that makes it okay? This is _my_ room, mine and nobody else's! Now get...out!" She didn't even know why she was so mad. It was just Jodi, being Jodi - she was driving her crazy!

"I'm going! Geez…" Finally, she moved her arse in the direction of the way out, rolling her eyes in annoyance. "Nice earrings, by the way. Can I borrow them sometime?"

"Rack off!"

Jodi stopped abruptly by the door, spinning around again. Her expression had changed from that fake coolness to boiling anger from one second to the next. "You know, Claire, if you actually started being nice to people for once, maybe they'd start liking you."

She could just feel the blood rushing into her cheeks, her muscles tensing up. "If you stopped being a spoiled brat, who runs to her Mummy every time she doesn't get her will, maybe people wouldn't have to keep treating you like a five-year old anymore and could actually start taking you seriously!" It felt damn good to just let her furiousness control her tongue.

"Shut up" Jodi yelled, her face reddening. "You're such a bi-"

"What on earth is going on in here? I could have heard you two outside in the garden!" They hadn't noticed Meg standing in the door.

"Nothing, Mum" the girl stated with a triumphant look on her face. "If you'll excuse me-"

"Oh no" Meg seized her by the arm, preventing her from leaving the room. "I want to know why you're at each other's throats again."

Claire merely shook her head without saying anything. Even Jodi kept her mouth shut this one time, she had to give her that.

"No? You're unbelievable, both of you!"

She could feel the rage boiling up again, but still pressed her lips together tightly. It wasn't Meg's job to tell her anything, if anyone, she should discipline her own daughter. She was an adult, and she wouldn't participate in some sort of interview about who stole the cookie. This was ridiculous! "I'm going, I've got work to do, unlike some of us."

"Hey, I was just doing what Mum asked me to do! Ask her!"

"What are you talking about?" Meg asked, confused. "What did I ask you to do?"

"Go through all of my stuff, apparently. Look at the jewellery I inherited, try on some lipstick, probably some clothes as well-"

"Yuck, like I'd do that…"

"Jodi!" Meg exclaimed. "I told you not to ransack, didn't I -I'm sorry, Claire, I should have gone to get the boxes myself- have you got any concept of the word 'privacy' and its meaning? The things in here belong to Claire, they're none of your business."

Jodi rolled her eyes again. She did that a lot these days. "I know! Why is everyone making such a big drama out of it? I wasn't going to steal anything!"

"That's not the point. You were looking through things that weren't yours without asking permission first. How would you feel if somebody raked up your room all the time while you're away?"

"Mum, in case you hadn't noticed, you do that a lot."

"Well, somebody has to clean up your mess! It doesn't just disappear on its own at night." She paused, and her face lit up. "But you're right, that's going to change. From now on, you'll be solely responsible for your room, and all your other belongings, no matter where you leave them. If that means they'll get thrown away, that's too bad. Don't expect me to clean up after you anymore."

Claire couldn't suppress a spiteful smirk. Now that was a sight she wouldn't want to miss, Jodi taking care of her own stuff. She had to at boarding school, of course, but as soon as she got home for the holidays, she just turned into the biggest sluggard ever, and they always let her get away with it. Claire knew that a lot of her helplessness was feigned so she could get out of work.

Jodi looked peeved at her mother's decision. "Fine." She left the room quickly, obviously pouting. They could hear her outside, trampling down the stairs.

"Can't you teach her to keep her nose out of other people's business?"

Meg snorted. "I wish it were that easy. You just heard me, and I've talked to her about it a million times. What can I say, Claire, she's just turned thirteen, she doesn't do everything I tell her to. She's moody, and sullen…but you're more mature than her. You have to be. Don't be too hard on her. Come on, you must remember what it was like when you were that age-"

"I certainly didn't act like that!"

"You had your own quirks, and I hate to remind you, but you could be quite moody yourself. Remember those boots? You kept driving us crazy until your father took you to Abapone so you could get them. Of course they had similar ones in Fisher, but no, it had to be those ones, although they were way overpriced."

"That didn't have anything to do with fashion, it was all about getting good, solid working boots."

Meg smirked. "Sure. Working boots usually have all that decoration at the top."

Claire could feel a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth against her own will. "Well, you know…better to get good ones once than new ones every few months."

---------------------------------------------------

"Okay, relax, that's very important, you hear? He's gonna pick up on it if you're nervous." Jack put his foot on the bar of the fence that lined the training yard, rubbing his chin. "Don't take it too fast, but don't stop him this time, either."

"Be careful" Meg warned her daughter, watching the scene with a concerned expression.

"Stop it, you're just making her even more worried. There's no need to be scared, really. You ready?"

Jodi nodded timidly and gave the gelding the signal, concentrating on what lay ahead. The horse started cantering, accelerating quickly, and this time, the girl went along with it, following each movement. They left the ground lightly and negotiated the balk without tearing down the bar, although the horse's hoof had streaked it briefly. In Claire's opinion, she had been lucky. This could have gone very wrong.

"Yes!" Jack exclaimed joyfully, taking off his hat. "Great job, honey! I knew you could do it."

Meg agreed with a sigh of relief. "That was very good!"

Jodi smiled proudly, taking her horse down to a walk again and praising it. "That was the scariest thing ever! And the best! I thought I was gonna fall."

"You could have" Claire remarked matter-of-factly. "Next time, try to give the signal a bit later, you left the ground too early."

The girl's smile faded visibly. Claire could feel Meg giving her a dark look, but chose to ignore it. She would make a big deal of it again, of course. But wasn't it for Jodi's own good if she learned to do it properly from the start?

"Aw, come on, Claire, it was her first try" Jack replied, shaking his head at his daughter's comment. "Don't be so hard on her."

Why did people keep saying that today? In this world, you had to learn to be tough sooner or later. And sooner was always better. "Yeah, it was…pretty good" she admitted quietly. "I'm just saying it for the future."

It annoyed her how her dad had to take Jodi's side again. Poor Princess Jodi, who always needed to be defended. Yes, it was childish, yes, she should be past that…but it was just making her so bloody angry! She turned around and left quickly, before she'd get to see part two of 'Princess Jodi's jumping diary'.

"Wait, Claire!" the girl called after her.

"I gotta work some more with Aurora, see if I can manage to get the saddle on today." She didn't stop or look back, but heard her father's steps behind her.

"I'll give you a hand with that."

"I can handle her."

"Claire-"

"I can!"

"I know, but I don't want you to do it on your own. It's dangerous." He smiled at her, shaking his head. "Why are you so bloody stubborn?"

Claire laughed dryly. "Yeah, I wonder where I got that from."

-----------------------------------------------------------

She was grooming the mare slowly, calmly, to avoid making her jump. The beautiful chestnut had been a nervous wreck at the time of her arrival. One streak from the brush went down the full length of her neck; it was Claire's method of getting to know her, getting the horse to trust her. Aurora kept moving her ears curiously, but a close look into her brown eyes showed that she wasn't scared of her anymore. Her muscles had started to relax visibly.

"There, that's not so bad, is it?" she murmured in a low voice. "You look a lot prettier when you're not as dusty, you know. I bet it feels less itchy as well. Yeah, you like that, don't you?"

She followed the brush with her other hand as well, feeling the slow pulse of the mare's heartbeat. Aurora's fur did appear glossy now, but it was still a lot rougher to the touch than it looked. She snorted, sending a cloud of steam out her nostrils.

Claire was beginning to feel cold, those winter evenings could be pretty harsh around this time, but her mind was still on the job entirely. With horses, she could relax completely, just let herself go – without letting a necessary guard down.

To her own surprise, even cleaning the hooves roughly had worked out quite well. "There we are. Good girl." She smiled, producing a small piece of apple from the pocket of her jacket, right about where Aurora had been nuzzling her impatiently for the whole time. The mare took it without hesitation. "But that's enough for today." The food bribe just worked every time.

She kept stroking her neck gently, muttering quietly. Staying for a few more minutes couldn't hurt, while things were going so well. Aurora shifted her weight to only three of her four legs, the tension visibly seceding. After another moment, she started sniffing her pocket again, even tugging at her jacket lightly. "Growing cheeky, are we? Sorry, it's empty."

She worked her fingers through the mane, untangling it carefully. "You're a beauty." Suddenly, the horse turned its ears, raising its head in alertness. "Easy, what's wrong?"

"It's just me" Meg said in the same low voice, stepping out of the shadows. "Whoa, don't be scared, settle down. Steady now."

Aurora pranced uneasily, moving closer to the wall, scrabbling in the dust.

"Don't come any nearer" Claire warned. "She's a jumpy one. Easy, girl, no one's gonna hurt you. Come on. You're spooking my horse, Meg."

"Trust me, I do have some experience myself." She stopped, observing the mare with an admiring gaze. "She's a beauty."

"Sure is."

"Why are you grooming her, at this hour?"

Good question. She could hardly explain that horses were some sort of sleeping pill for her. "Oh, you know…just thought I'd check on her before going to bed" she shrugged. "And there were the grooming utensils, and she let it happen."

Meg smiled. "You like her a lot, don't you?"

"Doesn't matter. She'll be gone again in a few weeks, anyway. But she's got a lot of potential, that's for sure." Claire rubbed Aurora's blaze affectionately. "Now we just need to get that fear out of your bones, right?"

"Hm." The blond woman sat down on a hay bale, brushing some straws to the side with her boots. "Claire, about earlier…Jodi's father hasn't exactly been there for her, you know."

"You don't have to explain anything to me."

"I think Jack's just trying to make up for it a bit. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't-"

"I know." Was it that hard to believe that she really felt no inward urge whatsoever to talk about it? She grabbed the brush, put it inside the red box, and cleaned everything up. "Look, I'm pretty tired."

Meg nodded and Claire thought that she could see a hint of disappointment reflected on her features. It gave her a weird, guilty feeling in her stomach; she hated it – but she didn't know what to do about it.

"Me too." Meg got up, brushing off her pants. "She'll be back in school in a week, anyway. Can't you let her enjoy the short time she has here?"

Claire didn't say anything, but turned back to Aurora instead. In many ways, horses were easier to handle than people.


	6. Chapter 6

„Killarney, this is Nick Ryan speaking?"

„Nick, it's Meg."

„What's up?"

„Would you please tell Harry that we won't need the truck tomorrow?"

"Uh…sure, but why? What's wrong?"

"It's Jack. He had a- a heart attack this afternoon."

"Oh my God…how is he?"

"He died, Nick."

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"Claire?" She knocked at the door for the third time. No reply still. "Claire, I'm just here to bring you some dinner."

"Thanks, but I'm…not hungry." The sound of her voice was almost entirely deafened by the thick wooden door. It was hard to tell whether she was still in the bewildered state of shock she had been in before, or if the reality of the events had begun to kick in.

"You should eat something. Have a bit of soup at least."

"I don't want any soup!"

"Okay. Well, I'll just leave the plate outside your door anyway."

No answer. She waited for a sound, a sign of life, anything, but none came. The house was silent, eerily silent. "Are you all right, honey?"

Honey?! She hadn't called her that in over a decade, ever since Claire had started to look embarrassed by it at the age of twelve or so. But tonight, it had just slipped out. Perhaps it was because she couldn't get that picture out of her head, the image of Claire as a girl, waiting at the gate, hoping for her sister and stepmother to return. They had never come.

And now Jack. _Jack_, of all people. It seemed so unreal, too much to grasp. How could it be true, really? How could someone cease to exist, just like that? She was still waiting, waiting for him to come in through the back door, laugh at their foolishness and complain that they hadn't checked on the calving cows themselves, but left it to the men. He wouldn't come, of course, but it still felt like he should, like this was merely some bad dream she would wake from. She understood it now.

"I'm fine."

Meg thought she'd heard a stifled sob through the door, but it was hard to tell. What a stupid question, of course she couldn't be all right. She hesitated for a moment, resting her hand on the doorknob, then turned it. The door remained shut. Claire had locked her room.

"You sure you don't need anything?"

"Yeah."

There she was, standing outside the door, not knowing what to do. Shut out. "Okay. Good night, Claire."

The corridor was chilly. How was that even possible, with the windows all closed, the heating in order? Maybe they needed to check it. It still felt like there was a cold breeze around. She walked back down the stairs, thinking of her blue jumper and its warmth, thinking of anything but this day.

Jodi. She would have to call Jodi, something she wasn't exactly looking forward to. How could she tell her this news, only a few weeks before the start of her exam period? The poor girl would be devastated. Tomorrow, she would call her tomorrow, not tonight. Let her have one more innocent, unburdened evening with her friends.

When Meg passed the dining room, she couldn't help having a peek. It seemed to empty now, deserted. The chairs were all arranged neatly around the table, the wood polished, untouched. How much things could change within the course of twenty-four hours! Just yesterday, they had been sitting here, sharing a meat platter, talking about this week's price for Belgian Blues. When Jodi wasn't home, she often ate with Claire and Jack. She used to. One more chair would remain empty now.

At that moment, she knew, felt it with every fibre of her body. Not grief, not despair, but emptiness, a sheer hole where something had been ripped out. He was gone, just like that, and there wasn't a thing she could do about it. And the silly thing was that nothing had been going on between them anymore, nothing at all. She had Terry, Jack was nothing to her. Nothing at all.

And he hadn't even loved her.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Would Friday be all right?"

Meg jumped, she hadn't heard her enter the kitchen, although Claire didn't exactly walk like an elf. She looked up from the pancake batter she was making. "Good morning. I didn't know you were up already. All right for what?"

"The funeral. I just called the funeral parlour, they could send someone out here on Friday, they weren't sure about Saturday." It was strange to see Claire talking about it so calmly, as if the topic were some business transaction and not saying goodbye to her father. She appeared composed, but the black rings and swellings beneath her eyes betrayed her.

"I suppose we could get everything ready till then. Did you get any sleep last night?"

"With all there is to be done?" She leaned on a chair, shaking her head. "We're stuffed, Meg. The auction today was really important, but here we are, with a bunch of first-class stock, and no one to buy them."

"Claire-"

"…and the price would have been grand this week!" She had started pacing restlessly. "So now we have to move the Belgian Blues all the way out to Little Regret again –I reckon we should change to Herefords, anyway- and after that, I need to check on the cows that are ready to calf."

"Ian can do that. Claire-"

"Then I need to drive over to Fisher and decide on a coffin, and sign some papers to be allowed to take him back here. I should cancel Dad's insurances, too. Where do you start with that sort of thing? The bank probably needs to be notified as well. And I should get a lawyer in for the testament, the property needs to be assigned to me, officially-"

"Stop it!" she exclaimed. "Claire…there are some things that need to be done right now, and some that can wait a few days. Harry called earlier, offering his condolences – he'll probably stop by later. He also sent Terry over, for as long as we need him. You're not alone, the men can take care of the stock, the farming parts. Please, for now, just sit down and have a tea. Maybe even lie down for a bit, you were awake all night long. Everything else doesn't matter right now."

"Doesn't matter?!" she shouted. "How can it not? We're in the shit up to our necks! Look around, this whole place is about to fall apart, most of it belongs to the bank, anyway, and it's all my job to take care of it now, 'cause there's no one else left! What are we gonna do? Knock on Harry Ryan's door, begging for charity?" Her expression remained hard, shaped by rage, but her quivering bottom lip betrayed her.

Meg reached out for her arm, but Claire flinched away from her touch with a dismissive gesture. "You've just lost your father. Don't rush everything, take it step by step, we'll figure it-"

"No, we won't! The reason why we're stuffed is his inability to deal with money! If he had listened to me, if we had changed to Herefords sooner, hadn't bought as many sheep last year, if he hadn't kept spending and spending, maybe it wouldn't be like this now."

"Jack ran this farm very well on his own for thirty years, through droughts and economic crises!" She couldn't stand to hear something bad about him now, not after what had happened, not from his daughter, who he had loved more than anything. It was a bitter disappointment. "How can you say something like that, on a day like this?"

"He drove us into debt!" Claire yelled furiously, clasping the back of the chair. "First, he messes everything up, and then he leaves me to deal with it! He doesn't have to take the rap for it, he's gone, and I'm here, on my own, and I'm supposed to solve everything! I'm… alone…" She choked on the last words, her voice failing her. Her eyes were brimming with tears, which she tried to fight back, keeping her chin up proudly.

Meg swallowed down the lump in her throat, struggling for her own composure. She knew what Claire meant, felt it, but sometimes, words just weren't enough to express something. "You're not alone. I won't just leave you in this mess, and there are Nick and Alex, too."

Of course it wasn't an answer. It wasn't the same, nothing that she could say would make it better. But it was easy, easier to resort to stereotypical replies, which, in the end, would always be banal and meaningless, no matter how heartfelt they might be. She put a hand on the young woman's shoulder blade and gently sat her down on the chair, rubbing her back. "Shh…"

"It's not my fault!" Claire sobbed. "I just…I wanted to talk to him, reasonably, to…how was I supposed to know? He's so stubborn…so bloody stubborn! I thought he'd be pouting…"

"We all did." Meg felt as if a dagger had been shoved into her chest, twisting, turning.

"It's not my fault…"

"No, it's not."

He had left them.


End file.
